One of the most troubling habits in many of us is unnecessary prying into other people’s business. It is a habit that must be shunned. If it does not concern you, do not bother. It also leads to unnecessary and foolish questions. When someone says no, accept it. When you knock on a door and know the person is inside, yet he does not respond or says, “Go away,” then go away.
The Holy Prophet(sa) placed this principle close to the heart of faith. He said,: It is part of the excellence of a person’s Islam that he should eschew that which is of no benefit to him Min ḥusni islāmil mar’i tarkuhū mā lā yaʿnīh (Gardens of the Righteous, Hadith 67). Leaving things alone is more than good manners. It shows how beautiful a person’s Islam has become.,
Prying starts in the mind before it reaches the tongue. It starts with suspicion. Allah says in Al Hujurat 49:13:
O ye who believe! avoid most of suspicions; for suspicion in some cases is a sin. And spy not, nor back-bite one another.
Suspicion invents a story. Spying looks for proof. Backbiting spreads it. The Holy Prophet(sa) broke the chain when he said, Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the most untruthful of talk Iyyākum waẓ ẓanna fa innaẓ ẓanna akdhabul ḥadīth, wa lā taḥassasū wa lā tajassasū:. Do not pry and do not spy (Sahih al Bukhari, Kitab al Adab, Hadith 6064).
The Quran also guards the doorstep of every home. In An Nur 24:28, believers are told not to enter houses other than their own until you have asked leave and saluted the inmates thereof. Ḥattā tasta’nisū wa tusallimū ʿalā ahlihā
The next verse settles the matter. Allah says in An Nur 24:29: And if you find no one therein, do not enter them until you are given permission. And if it be said to you, ‘Go back’ then go back; that is purer for you. And Allah knows well what you do.
Go back means go back. Allah calls it purer. A person who stands at the door and insists has turned courtesy into intrusion.
The Holy Prophet(sa) set the limit plainly. He said, When one of you seeks permission three times and it is not granted, let him go back (Sahih al Bukhari, Kitab al Isti’zan, Hadith 6245). Hazrat Abu Musa(ra) asked Hazrat Umar(ra) for permission three times. No answer came, so he left. He did not knock a fourth time. He did not look through the window. He simply went.
Once a man peeped through a hole into the room of the Holy Prophet(sa). The Prophet(sa) said, Innamā juʿilal isti’dhānu min ajlil baṣar: Seeking permission has been ordained only because of the eye (Sahih al Bukhari, Kitab al Isti’zan, Hadith 6241). Privacy is not secrecy. It is dignity. Every home, and every heart, has rooms that belong only to its owner.
An unnecessary question is prying in a softer voice. Allah says in Al Ma’idah 5:102: O ye who believe! ask not about things which, if revealed to you, would cause you trouble.
The Holy Prophet(sa) gave a sharper warning.: The greatest offender among the Muslims is the one who asked about something that was not forbidden, and it became forbidden because of his asking (Sahih al Bukhari, Kitab al I’tisam, Hadith 7289).
The Promised Messiah(as) drew this line with balance. He praised the sincere question that clears away a doubt. Then he added: “It is true, however, that it is not appropriate either for one to raise questions on every little thing. This is forbidden.” He continued: “Moreover, a person is also prohibited from spying on others and picking out their faults. These are both bad practices” (Malfuzat, Volume III, page 293).
Elsewhere he said, Qur’an Sharīf mein ḥukm hai ke bahut khoj nikāl nikāl kar masā’il na pūchhne chāhi’en… Khudā kā nām Sattār bhī hai: The Holy Quran commands that one should not keep digging into matters and asking about them… God’s name is also Sattār, the One who covers faults (Malfuzat, Volume 4, page 315).
Curiosity will be called to account. Allah says in Bani Isra’il 17:37: And follow not that of which thou hast no knowledge. Verily, the ear and the eye and the heart, all these shall be called to account.
He describes the true believers in Al Muminun 23:4:Walladhīna hum ʿanil laghwi muʿriḍūn: And who shun all that which is vain.
Allah sees every fault and chooses to cover it. We see almost nothing, yet we long to uncover. Before the next question leaves our lips, we might ask a quieter one. Does this concern me? When a door stays closed, perhaps the kindest gift we can give is to walk away. And perhaps the most honest question is the one we turn on ourselves. Why do I need to know?